Retro back…..October 1975
We just had our first baby, Kati Suzan, beautiful, healthy, and the star of our family! What I found as the days and months went by, was that this little bundle of sweetness could keep me busy almost 24-7. I kept wondering how this could be! There were days I don’t remember having a shower!
My husband, Larry’s job kept him traveling to Texas and Canada…Often he was gone more than he was home. So he wasn’t able to be a partner on a constant basis.
I remember calling my mother, crying, wondering how I was going to survive! Her advice was simple; “Make sure Kati is clean and fed. You are clean and fed. Everything else will either wait or it’s not important for now.”
It was great advice and I applied it immediately…soon Kati and I were clean, had lunch, and were taking naps! Naps were a bonus!
Still I was missing something…my time w Jesus. I knew He was there, but I had no time to read the Word, pray, think…How was I ever going to get that kind of time? I looked up, over the diaper I was folding, then laid my head on the stack and asked The Father, “How do I stay connected to you? How do I keep growing in my faith?” I knew I couldn’t be all I needed to be to this precious daughter of mine, if I wasn’t strong in my faith, my relationship with My God.
Before long, I was reading the Word and journaling! When I awoke to the cries or cooing of my daughter, I would stumble into her room, while my sleepy brain was asking God, “When am I going to spend time with you?” During the morning, between diapers, sweet baby kisses, and phone calls I kept asking the Lord, “When?” Usually, when I least expected it, He would say, “Now!”
I would stop what I was doing; get Kati settled on her favorite blanket with her toys, and go to my favorite chair in the living room. My Bible, journal, pen, and dictionary were waiting for me. The time would fly by, but Kati and everything around me were quiet during the time I sat there. So often, I would write the last sentence, close my journal…and life would begin again! The phone or doorbell would ring, Kati would decide she was done being patient, the dryer would buzz…life would begin…but I had been filled with God’s wisdom, comfort, and love…I could go on…
Since those precious days, I had more children and many more hours than I can count, sitting with God, my Bible, journal, pen and dictionary. It’s been the place I have processed joy, pain, failure, success, trauma, all forms of life. Many times, I cried while I wrote. Always, He met me with His faithful love, teaching me, counseling me, giving me hope, rejoicing with me… It has always been the simple strength of my life.
Fast forward …. October 2009
Now, my journal has transitioned onto a laptop… and now to a blog…
What is a blog?
It is a web-log or diary, or journal…or for me it’s a cup of coffee with a friend, maybe you!
In online diaries, people write their day-to-day experiences, social commentary, complaints, poems, prose, illicit thoughts and any content that might be found in a traditional paper diary or journal. They often allow readers to contribute through comments or community posting. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_diary)
I’ve known about blogs for a while and have felt a consistent tug to explore what they were all about. But, I still struggled with the feeling I have nothing to say that no one else hasn’t already said. So, I’m trying to choose to step out and believe that this Blog thing is really from God. Once I launch it …I’m committed, but as long as I am just writing randomly, it doesn’t feel like I’m so out there with it all. But…
All the scriptures I’ve been reading are about delighting in His Word, traveling the path He has for me, and obeying …with delight, a happy heart. Sigh…
Then, last night in church (from Sunday am), Pastor Brady talked about being…
He said we are to be more than conquers…, which in the Greek means ”super-mega-awesome-overcomers!” I thought, “Me!? Really!?”
Romans 8:28-39 (New International Version)
More Than Conquerors
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[c] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[d] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us?
• not trouble
• not hard times
• not hatred
• not hunger
• not homelessness,
• not bullying threats
• not backstabbing
• not even the worst sins listed in Scripture Romans 8:35 MSG
How do I live in being an overcomer when my feelings aren’t lining up? Believing is difficult, no almost impossible, when my feelings aren’t helping. I can only hold on by a thread… and that seems too fragile to be worth anything at all.
I want to launch the Blog for Kati’s Birthday this year. She’s always said she thought I should write a book. More recently, one particular friend has been my biggest cheerleader. I’m still not sure, but now, this will be the closest thing to . Book…writing…I’ve always believed I had nothing to say that others haven’t already said, I still think that… But, what of the God part of all of this that I still sense so strongly? Why? What is the purpose? What is all of this supposed to accomplish? ALL…of that is probably not for me to understand. My “conquering” in Jesus, right now anyway, is about me trusting God… believing He will do in me what He said…my part is to put my toe into the water. Yikes!
I read a sweet young friend’s first YWAM email today. She is certainly being stretched! Her family is beyond stretched with all the things going on…Yet, we are more than conquers? Believing…trusting…hoping…when my feelings don’t line up… That is the place of growth that is the most painful.
Painful, because I don’t have a reference point with my physical, emotional senses! I really don’t like doing life that way… It’s storming all round me, yet at the same time you ask me to move forward, reach out… and trust You. Honestly, I like knowing, seeing, hearing, tasting… understanding what is ahead. All of it makes me feel safe… but am I safe? Am I really better off knowing what is ahead or is it better not knowing because I am following Your voice, and that has got to be safer…Yes?
So, maybe it’s overcoming…being someone who is more than a conquer?…A Super-Mega-Awesome Overcomer! I guess I’d better, keep praying, find my cape, and start writing….!
Simple Seeds of Light & Joy 